Colbert's grand exit; Trump meltdown continues; Slush Fund pushback; IRS between rock and hard place; Arch support; El Niño warning; Google destroys the Internet.
It's National Vanilla Pudding Day!
Trump's $1.8 billion slush fund for his allies is here, and the line is already forming: the Proud Boys, the MyPillow guy, George Santos, and even the lectern guy! The Department of Justice insists $1.8 billion is an appropriate amount for the fund, and Ronny Chieng does the math to figure out how much money each eligible American will get. Plus, Trump couldn't stop gawking at hot, muscular men at the Coast Guard Academy graduation ceremony, and the president broke the news that he'll probably be a little too busy to attend Don Jr.'s wedding.
Our schedule next week is Tuesday-Friday; no issue on Monday, Memorial Day. Have a safe holiday weekend!
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—Kevin G. Barkes (KGB)
KGB Report is assembled by an aging human and contains no intentional A.I. generated material.
(Most) everything you need to know for today:
May 22 is the 142nd day of the year in the Gregorian calendar; 223 days remain until the end of the year. As of this writing, 973 days remain in Trump’s term of office.
Knee-deep in the hoopla:
CBS airs last ‘Late Show with Stephen Colbert’ as celebrities, fans pay tribute. The final episode included all the late night hosts from ABC, NBC, and HBO (“Strike Force Five”), iconic musicians, comedians, an astrophysicist, and unexpected top-notch visual effects: a green vortex that sucked the performers- and the studio audience- into an interdimensional rift in the spacetime continuum. It was truly insane, and classic Colbert. (Video highlights) (NBC)
Here’s hoping CBS will post the whole shebang on the show’s YouTube page.Donald Trump is finally cracking up for real. His recent tirades confirmed what more than half of America now believes: The president is mentally unfit. How will we survive two and a half more years of this? And what’s he got in store for us? (The New Republic)
Trump collides with GOP Senators over $1.8 billion ‘anti-weaponization’ fund. Sen. Thom Tillis, who is retiring after the president regularly criticized him, called it a ‘payout pot for punks’. (Wall Street Journal gift article)
Audit immunity for Trump Family puts IRS in a bind. Federal law prohibits the Internal Revenue Service from halting an audit at the direction of the president or his aides. IRS agents can face prison time if they carry out a politically motivated audit or halt one at the direction of the White House. (New York Times gift article)
Trump ‘may’ release tax returns post-audit. Critics are skeptical. “I may even release my current returns,” Trump told reporters May 20 when stepping off Air Force One at Joint Base Andrews in Maryland when asked about the agreement between the president and his own administration.
(USA Today via MSN)
Key federal agency approves the design plan for Trump’s Washington arch. The U.S. Commission of Fine Arts commissioners, all appointed by Trump, acted despite overwhelming public opposition to the 250-foot arch, one of several projects the Republican president is pursuing alongside a White House ballroom to leave his imprint on Washington. (AP)
Trump is missing the entire point of arches. For American artists and architects, the structures embody the virtues and vulnerabilities of the republic. The president’s proposal breaks the pattern. (The Atlantic gift article)
Google is about to cripple the Internet. Its transition to AI-first search threatens to destabilize the open web’s infrastructure by systematically diverting traffic and destroying the advertising-based and subscription-based revenue models that sustain digital publishers. (Beervanablog.com)
Marathons and ultramarathons may be linked to colon cancer. A small study found a surprisingly high incidence of precancerous polyps in young extreme runners, sparking controversy and concern. (Washington Post gift article)
NOAA issues a stark warning about the upcoming El Niño. It’s never a good sign when meteorologists start throwing around phrases like “double whammy.” But that’s what scientists at the National Oceanic and Atmospheric Association say we’re in for with the return of El Niño, the fearsome tropical climate pattern. (Futurism)
But on the plus side, NOAA predicts a below-normal 2026 Atlantic hurricane season. “Although El Niño’s impact in the Atlantic Basin can often suppress hurricane development, there is still uncertainty in how each season will unfold.” (noaa.gov)
The Memorial Day barbecue is starting to cost a small fortune. Uncooked ground beef was up 14.5% in April from a year earlier, according to Labor Department data. Frankfurters rose 10.7% and tomatoes, a backyard-burger staple, were 39.7% higher.
(Wall Street Journal gift article)Fed officials see rate hike ahead if inflation stays elevated, minutes show. A majority of Federal Reserve officials at their most recent meeting anticipated that interest rate increases would be necessary if the Iran war continued to aggravate inflation, according to minutes released Wednesday.
(CNBC via MSN)
Late Night:
Trump tried to silence late-night hosts. They’re mocking him even more. A Washington Post analysis shows hosts are telling more jokes about Trump, despite threats by the FCC chair and the president’s repeated calls to get them fired.
(Washington Post gift article)
ABC’s Jimmy Kimmel Live! and NBC’s Tonight Show with Jimmy Fallon aired reruns tonight out of respect for The Late Show with Stephen Colbert’s series finale- and also because Kimmel, Fallon, Seth Meyers and Jon Oliver (“Strike Force Five”) appeared in an extended cameo with Colbert.
The Late Show with Stephen Colbert Series Finale: Every episode of "The Late Show" is special, so Stephen Colbert thought it would be best to begin his series finale with a regular monologue focused on the national conversation, free from forced celebrity cameos. (Video)
Keep scrolling… lots of interesting stuff in Quote of the Day, Holidays, On This Day, Birthdays, and Deaths. I can pretty much guarantee you’ll learn something new.
History highlight:
1992 – Johnny Carson ended his near 30 year tenure as host of The Tonight Show. The broadcast drew an estimated 55 million households (about 80 million viewers), earning a massive 31.9 household rating and a 62% audience share. It remains the most-watched entertainment broadcast in late-night television history. (Video)
Quote of the Day:
A dog reflects the family life. Whoever saw a frisky dog in a gloomy family, or a sad dog in a happy one? Snarling people have snarling dogs, dangerous people have dangerous ones.
--Sir Arthur Conan Doyle (Wikipedia link)
(More Arthur Conan Doyle quotes from the KGB Quotations Database)
Today’s holidays:
Bitcoin Pizza Day, Canadian Immigrants Day, Don’t Fry Day, Harvey Milk Day, International Being You Day, International Day for Biological Diversity, National Buy a Musical Instrument Day, National Cooler Day, National Craft Distillery Day, National Death Busters Day, National Maritime Day, National Road Trip Day, National Solitaire Day, National Title Track Day, National Vanilla Pudding Day, National Wig Out Day, NF2 Awareness Day, Shavuot, Sherlock Holmes Day, World Eosinophilic Esophagitis Day, World Goth Day, World Paloma Day, and World Preeclampsia Day.
On This Day:
2017 – Twenty-two people were killed at an Ariana Grande concert in the 2017 Manchester Arena bombing.
2015 – The Republic of Ireland became the first nation in the world to utilize a public referendum to legalize gay marriage.
2013 – American singer-songwriter Carole King was the first woman to receive the Library of Congress Gershwin Prize at the White House in Washington, D.C. (Video)
2012 – SpaceX COTS Demo Flight 2 launched a Dragon capsule on a Falcon 9 rocket in the first commercial flight to the International Space Station.
2012 – Tokyo Skytree opened to the public. It was the tallest tower in the world at (634 m), and at the time the second tallest man-made structure on Earth after Burj Khalifa (829.8 m).
2011 – An EF5 tornado struck Joplin, Missouri, killing 158 people and wreaking $2.8 billion in damages, the costliest and seventh-deadliest single tornado in U.S. history.
2002 – Civil rights movement: A jury in Birmingham, Alabama, convicted former Ku Klux Klan member Bobby Frank Cherry of the 1963 murder of four girls in the 16th Street Baptist Church bombing.
1998 – A U.S. federal judge rules that U.S. Secret Service agents can be compelled to testify before a grand jury concerning the Lewinsky scandal involving President Bill Clinton.
1992 – Bosnia and Herzegovina, Croatia and Slovenia joined the United Nations.
1992 – Johnny Carson ended his near 30 year tenure as host of The Tonight Show. The broadcast drew an estimated 55 million households (about 80 million viewers), earning a massive 31.9 household rating and a 62% audience share. It remains the most-watched entertainment broadcast in late-night television history. (Video)
1990 – North and South Yemen were unified to create the Republic of Yemen.
1972 – Ceylon adopted a new constitution, becoming a republic and changing its name to Sri Lanka.
1969 – Apollo 10‘s Lunar Module flies within 8.4 nautical miles (16 km) of the Moon‘s surface.
1968 – The nuclear-powered submarine USS Scorpion sank with 99 men aboard, 400 nautical miles (740 km) southwest of the Azores.
1964 – U.S. President Lyndon B. Johnson launched his Great Society program.
1960 – The Great Chilean earthquake, measuring 9.5 on the moment magnitude scale, hit southern Chile, becoming the most powerful earthquake ever recorded.
1947 – Cold War: The Truman Doctrine went into effect, aiding Turkey and Greece.
1942 – Mexico entered the Second World War on the side of the Allies.
1939 – World War II: Germany and Italy signed the Pact of Steel.
1927 – Near Xining, China, an 8.3 magnitude earthquake caused 200,000 deaths in one of the world’s most destructive earthquakes.
1906 – The Wright brothers were granted U.S. patent number 821,393 for their “Flying-Machine“.
1872 – Reconstruction Era: President Ulysses S. Grant signed the Amnesty Act into law, restoring full civil and political rights to all but about 500 Confederate sympathizers.
1866 – Oliver Winchester founded the Winchester Repeating Arms Company.
1856 – Congressman Preston Brooks of South Carolina severely beat Senator Charles Sumner of Massachusetts with a cane in the hall of the United States Senate for a speech Sumner had made regarding Southerners and slavery.
1849 – Future U.S. President Abraham Lincoln was issued a patent for an invention to lift boats, making him the only U.S. president to ever hold a patent.
1846 – The Associated Press was formed in New York City as a non-profit news cooperative.
1843 – A thousand pioneers headed west on the Oregon Trail.
1819 – SS Savannah left port at Savannah, Georgia on a voyage to become the first steamship to cross the Atlantic Ocean.
1807 – A grand jury indicted former Vice President of the United States Aaron Burr on a charge of treason.
1804 – The Lewis and Clark Expedition officially began as the Corps of Discovery departed from St. Charles, Missouri.
1520 – The massacre at the festival of Tóxcatl took place during the Fall of Tenochtitlan, resulting in turning the Aztecs against the Spanish.
1455 – Start of the Wars of the Roses: At the First Battle of St Albans, Richard, Duke of York, defeated and captured King Henry VI of England.
(For more comprehensive lists of the day’s historical events, check here, here, and here.)
Some Birthdays:
1992 – Anna Baryshnikov, American actress
1988 – Heida Reed, Icelandic-British actress
1984 – Dustin Moskovitz, American entrepreneur, co-founder of Facebook
1979 – Maggie Q, American actress
1978 – Ginnifer Goodwin, American actress
1974 – Sean Gunn, American actor
1972 – Max Brooks, American author and screenwriter
1970 – Naomi Campbell, English model
1969 – Michael Kelly, American actor
1957 – Lisa Murkowski, American lawyer and politician
1950 – Bernie Taupin, English singer-songwriter and poet
1942 – Barbara Parkins, Canadian actress
1942 – Ted Kaczynski, American academic and mathematician turned anarchist and serial murderer (Unabomber) (died 2023)
1940 – Michael Sarrazin, Canadian actor (died 2011)
1940 – Bernard Shaw, American journalist (died 2022)
1939 – Paul Winfield, American actor (died 2004)
1938 – Susan Strasberg, American actress (died 1999)
1938 – Richard Benjamin, American actor and director
1934 – Peter Nero, American pianist and conductor (died 2023)
1930 – Harvey Milk, American lieutenant and politician (died 1978)
1928 – T. Boone Pickens, American businessman (died 2019)
1927 – Michael Constantine, American actor (died 2021)
1924 – Charles Aznavour, French-Armenian singer-songwriter and actor (died 2018)
1922 – Quinn Martin, American screenwriter and producer (died 1987)
1907 – Laurence Olivier, English actor, director, and producer (died 1989)
1905 – Bodo von Borries, German physicist and academic, co-invented the electron microscope (died 1956)
1859 – Arthur Conan Doyle, British writer (died 1930)
1813 – Richard Wagner, German composer (died 1883)
1783 – William Sturgeon, English physicist and inventor, invented the electromagnet and electric motor (died 1850)
(A more complete list of today’s birthdays.)
Some Deaths:
2005 – Thurl Ravenscroft, American voice actor (Tony the Tiger) and singer (born 1914)
1998 – John Derek, American actor, director, and photographer (born 1926)
1990 – Rocky Graziano, American boxer (born 1922)
1985 – Wolfgang Reitherman, German-American animator, director, and producer (born 1909)
1972 – Margaret Rutherford, English actress (born 1892)
1967 – Langston Hughes, American poet, social activist, novelist, and playwright (born 1902)
1885 – Victor Hugo, French novelist, poet, and playwright (born 1802)
1802 – Martha Washington, First, First Lady of the United States (born 1731)
337 – Constantine the Great, Roman emperor (born 272)
(A more complete list of today’s deaths.)
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Please, nobody tell old yeller that Lincoln is the only president with a patent. He’ll be making more shit up and trying to beat him.